this is my apology to the world.
i'm sorry that i am the way i am.
i'm sorry that i'm tart. and that everyone doesn't like me.and that ppl act like they do when really they don't.
i'm sorry i'm sensitive. that's the way God made me. I'm especially sorry that my sensitivity waves from people to people.its not consistent.thats what love did to me.
i'm sorry that i talk to much.i always have.i probably always will.
i'm sorry that my room isn't always tidy.i'm not a clean freak where if everything isn't in its place i flip out.
i'm sorry i like turning things in on time and not being late.and i'm sorry for freaking out when i am late.
i'm sorry that i can't read minds.if i could my life would be so much easier but not nearly as fun and def not nearly as sad.
i'm sorry forget big and never forget little things like theme songs to cartoons.
i'm sorry i have attitudes when i'm tired.
i'm sorry i get confused so easily & my words get tangled up.
i'm sorry i'm not perfect.it kills me that i'm not.
i'm sorry that my feet hurt when i wear heels for too long.
i'm sorry that i don't make my bed up every morning.
i'm sorry i'm a worry wart.
i'm sorry i don't know technology like every 20 year old does.
i'm sorry i put so much pressure on myself.i wasn't raised to do it. i did it on my own. i don't like failing at things.and when i do it crushes me & it takes a long time for me to heel.no one ever expects me to do bad or to do great.but i'm just expected to do.i get stressed out about almost everything.and i'm sorry about that too.sometimes ppl go through times when they feel like crap. this is a time. January 23 2011. how long will it last...idk...will it happen again...probably. i'm going to cry even though i did last week.& i'm going to shower & i'm going to read.& i'm going to sleep.me being me, when i love someone i have a horrible habit of feeling how they feel. and i gotta stop. i have to. i always thought that when u were in love that u couldn't help but do it.but idk...i just don't know.

i'm sorry for alot of things. things i shouldn't be sorry for...i mean what does being sorry mean anyway.

Have you ever loved so hard that his love overwhelms you?
Have you ever looked at him when he's paying no attention to you and thought wow...that's my man?
Have you ever cried because you never want to lose him?
Have you ever listened to a song and he's all you ca think about?
Have you ever cooked dinner for him?
Have you ever baked for him?
Have you ever thought about changing your life plans to be with him?
Have you ever thought about him not being in your life?...hurts doesn't it?
Have you ever laughed for no reason at or with him?
Have you ever gone out of your way to do something for him?
Have you ever had hurt feelings because he had the hurt feelings first?
Have you ever been happy for him?
Have you ever had to be stronger him than you could for yourself?
Have you ever missed him when you haven't seen him in one day?

If you haven't, you should try it.

It's a wonderful feeling.

2011

so...the first day of class was today. January 12, 2011. Tomorrow is January 13, 2011. And for those who do not know...22 Illustrious Women founded Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Incorporated on that day.  I am very happy for the occasion for it will be my first Founder's Day. The thoughts bouncing off in my mind though are not about Delta Sigma Theta Incorporated. I'm thinking more about the members. Not only the members of Delta Sigma Theta Inc., but the members of many Greek Organizations. Why do some people think that they have the "right" to be extra just because they have crossed into an organization? Extra means more than usual. extra loud, extra talkative, extra happy, just...EXTRA. sooo..can some one please tell me? For some reason some people change a little after they cross. and I can say whatever I want to say because I have already crossed. Now I know that confidence may be a little higher in many categories, but still. And I know what it means to be extra..my line name is SHOW OWT. I know how to act like a fool and for a while I did. But as this year has creeped around gracefully, I haven't been "showing owt" the way I used to. I feel that there has been so much extra-ness going around that mine is not needed. I'm not as loud as I used to be. Oh..i'm loud, but not as much as I used to be. so maybe this isn't even about crossing or not.
I am not the girl I used to be. I used to be the happy go-lucky girl that thought that rainbows and sundrops made the world go round. I used to think that long relationships could last through anything. I used to think that everyone wanted whats best for everyone else.
i was wrong.
I also used to be the girl that didn't care about many things. I didn't care if I looked foolish at games or anything exciting because that's what kids to.
Now, and I don't know what it is..some people would say it's my boyfriend. But no one can change you. You change because you want to and it's time to. Now, I'm calmer then I've ever been. I don't have to be the first girl to party hop. I don't have to be the first girl to party hop to a song that we don't even have a party hop. I think I have found a good medium between my past "Erika's".lol
I'm a new women and not because it's 2011.Because it was time.

• My Mama raised me: Remember, you never know who's watching you.